I think my biggest regret will be not knowing more people intimately. I love people. Everyone is so interesting, but we all get sucked into familiarity, into a complacent social life. where it’s just easier to ignore your neighbor than it is to develop some kind of kinship. Why the hell would I not ask you about your past when I know friendship to be the most warming thing on this planet. Recounting the best and worst moments in our lives makes you and I both richer beings.
Why would I not ask questions? Why would I not joke around? Meeting new people makes me believe in God. Each person is proof of wonder and amazing life in this world. Each is a developed story that deserves to be told simply because each person has had his or her own struggles and past, their own love story, their own worth. Everyone has favorite bands that have formed them. Everyone defines themselves in part by externalities. Everyone is relatable in some way. Everyone deserves to feel community in their life. It’s bullshit to shut people out because they’re different or odd.
There is no explanation for why I’ve gotten along with the people I’ve met. We’ve come from all over with no logical path to bring us to this point. But I love so many people so fully that every time I think of them I just thank God for the experience of life. I feel God in individuals much more than I do in the natural world, although both are amazing and unfathomable. It would be so empty to think of myself alone throughout my life. What’s the point of selfish acts? The only way to last in this world is to spread yourself out, pass along parts of you to those you care about. I’m not talking about extroversion; I’m talking about love. Introverts, more so than the extroverts who are favored in our capitalist society, have the ability to hand themselves over whole-heartedly to those they choose. They love more deeply, more selectively. I want to love more deeply, but I want to love everyone. I want everyone to know that the fact that they are alive is incredible and worth it and should be explored and enjoyed every day. We’re too fucking complacent and bored to realize that. Human interaction, genuine conversation, sincerity. These are things that make life full.
Last night was Arm and Trout at the Green House - a night filled with good feelings, cold beers, warm hugs, loud music, lit candles, cool autumn air. It is my favorite night of the school year. You stand in front of people or sit amongst the crowd and participate in the best of humanity. Music and singing and laughing. We all breathe together. We all listen together. We love what could always be. We love the sense of community, of oneness. Too often we draw into ourselves, our little devices, or inhibitions. We forget that events like this represent a way of life that’s been lost. I could be romanticizing, but if it wasn’t there we can make it in the future. There needs to be an alternative to this shit of the individual mindset. Look outside yourself. I’m talking to myself.
I can’t tell you how many things I do that I wish I didn’t. I watch to many fucking movies. I sit alone. I draw into myself and don’t think often enough of what I can do to enrich my life. What little time there is - how much has already been wasted. They say you’re happiest in the present. But I think your happiest in the examined present. You can’t just watch netflix and mentally masturbate forever. There are people in this country who do just that. They don’t examine. They sit idle. I want to quit these tendencies and community is the best way I know how. I need to pull away from my fucking laptop, stop writing this and go talk to someone.
I want to love more deeply, but I want to love everyone. I want everyone to know that the fact that they are alive is incredible and worth it and should be explored and enjoyed every day. We’re too fucking complacent and bored to realize that. Human interaction, genuine conversation, sincerity. These are things that make life full.